Category Archives: passion

Getting Back To Work

This has been a couple of months coming. I’ve well, given up in writing and just felt sorry for myself, but things are changing.

A couple of months ago:

I thought for a month now that I could do a short film about me. It might be viewed more than my blog because I’m not writing so no errors can be pointed out other than how crazy I look on film. I thought about trying to fund my own shorts to be noticed for my writing that way since my scripts aren’t to the level that is what people don’t shoe you away for. I know my writing sucks, and I know people are done with me having a pity party for myself and to move on. People say that would be noticed more if you did more work and showed progression throughout that work. However, it’s hard to get back in the saddle and in the mode of nonstop writing and working. I’m confused on what I should work on should I reedit Ring of Wishes? Should I work on my adaption of The Legacy or should I work on a faith and family hopeful script The Love of One?

I’m trying not to have a negative attitude about life and financial needs. I’ve tried to start a donation on my blog then with a GoFundMe as well as the Facebook plugin app FundRazr, and now a Fundly. No, I’ve raised nothing and the first two I set up for issue 2 of The Legacy comic book, but no takers. Why? Well, it’s not for an illness or my dogs (which I’m maxed out there Care Credit to fix some teeth and old lady issues (Sweetie). I don’t have the family that gives, okay well, that is not the truth it’s certain family members. Moreover, we all have our problems, and we all have our hopes and dreams. However, are they worth dreaming and hoping about anymore? Should, I just give up?

I did decide I needed to bring some money into this house and help out. That was a joke; the jobs I applied for came back with an email saying I’m not what they’re looking for. I answered all their questions. I know I’ve been out of work for a while now. However, they didn’t want me. So who does? I don’t have the greatest writing and motivation, but come on I know I will when I get paid for normal labor, so I’m motivated more. So, come on man?!

We all have dreams of what we would do with lots of money, but why don’t those who have the money want to know how we would use it and end up giving it to us? I don’t know.


Well, reading this, I still feel the same way. I feel that I don’t contribute enough, and I don’t write enough. I want so many things “If it’s to be it’s up to me” but I don’t seem to be doing anything. I’ve decided to do a podcast, but would people listen and judge me on my verbal English grammar. Will I have anything to contribute to someone’s life or give him or her tips on dreams?

With the recent suicide of Robin Williams, I’ve noticed that my life hasn’t had bad news as in his case. And I’ve never thought of suicide (where I took action) a lot. One’s bad news or life is not bad or worse than the next it’s how you deal with the news that tells if your life is terrible. Such as, I give up on writing because family says to, and no money is being made. Should I write or should I not? Like the quote before “If it’s to be it’s up to me.” I need to put the effort into it. Moreover, with my new mentor he said for no fee he would help me but I’ve done nothing for a month since we last spoke.




When people talk about passion, it is an yearning for something that one puts their whole heart into. They just can’t get enough of that something or someone. Well, this I thought I had about writing spending the past 20 years reading and learning, but another class and another editor says I have a long way to go. What the hell have I been doing these 20 years just wishing I was a writer and sitting on my hands? No! I just read and write. Why am I not better at what I thought I loved or was passionate about? Why, do I keep getting told I have a long way to go? People reading this those very few might see that this what I’m writing now had errors in it. Such as grammar, punctuation, spelling and others. Why can’t I get the help my cousin Wilson Rawls did?

You may have read some of my other posts, and if you have you may read a lot of me bitching and moaning about things. You might be sick of it well I’m sorry. I’m here to shed light on my life no matter how boring it might be. I have wanted to be an actor, a script writer. I wanted to be a great artist. Why did God allow me to live when my appendix ruptured? I wanted to do something more than guy bagging groceries, but lately I think that is where my life is heading. I wanted to do YouTube videos, but they disabled my account because someone clicked repeatedly on a video and of course, when I disputed this, I didn’t write it well enough for them to reactivate it.

When I was in high school, I wanted to play football that didn’t work. I played baseball as a kid who went nowhere. I wanted to sing and be in a rock group, that didn’t work. I think I’m smart, but am I? I can’t dance. I can’t is so my word these last few days. I wanted to do voice-over work but living in Idaho, there is no school or help of any kind and no money you can’t move to a place that can help.

So, my passion for what I want to be and do is gone, and I don’t know where my life will go. I know my faith is so small an ant is too big.

So what do I do? Where do I go from here? I’ve done the college thing ran out of loans and no degree to show for it. Those friends with their own businesses won’t hire me because I live to far, but the main thing is I have no education. I’m not fit I’m not hot I’m not female, so there are many things against me. So, please tell me what to do? My passion is gone. People say others have it worse, but why do I feel I’m living in the worst? (This I wrote off my meds. Still trying to get them.)

%d bloggers like this: