Tag Archives: books

2014 Bitch Please!

In this post, it will be the last before the New Year. So I’m going to bitch a bit more, also I have a plan for the next year. Yeah if you kept up with me this year with my posts, then you know I’ve done that a lot this year. It’s what I do best, but with my last post about…

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Unbroken Broke Me

I went to a movie this weekend with my mom. She hadn’t gone for two years. She and I chose Unbroken. Yes, my wife went and my nephew. The movie was great, but it made me think about my life.
I know I say I’ve been through hell and back but different people have different levels of…


Unbroken


I went to a movie this weekend with my mom. She hadn’t gone for two years. She and I chose Unbroken. Yes, my wife went and my nephew. The movie was great, but it made me think about my life.

I know I say I’ve been through hell and back but different people have different levels of hell. Mine compared with the lead and life story of the movie, my hell is nothing. He had to deal with more mental and physical challenges than I have ever gone through.

My hell has been more financial and mental than physical and mental.  I’ve struggled with “am I good enough of a writer?” Will my words be read or seen on film? This has plagued me for years and now that I’m financially burdened. Broke beyond broke living off the government and not able to get a job (been without for far too long and no references) I don’t know where I’m going to get motivation. Oh wait, I just saw Unbroken. “If it’s to be it’s up to me!” Not the quote said throughout the movie, but I like this one.

I need to motivate me. If I don’t want to live off the government, or if I want my writing to be seen I need to work hard and persevere. I must work I must do I must read and learn I must write.

As far as the movie as a movie, it was good. It was a bit long but instead of telling the story, they showed it. When trapped on the raft it was a bit gruesome but not so much to divert your eyes. I was interested and entertained.

I would recommend this to anyone who wants motivation to live life to the fullest and to stop bitching about how life these days are too tough to live because we have never gone through what he went through.


My Letter to Ellen DeGeneres

I didn’t want the world to know my story, but when submitting to Ellen you only have 1500 characters, and well I have a lot of story to tell. Here is my letter to her. And if you’ve read my blog, then you just might know more than you know. Please no judging!

Thank you to those whom read this!

Dear Ellen,

Or whomever reads this.

My name is Forrest L Rawls and I have a story to tell you. I’m an aspiring screenwriter, dreamer, and procrastinator. I want to sound intelligent and a man who could write something that could inspire, but that’s not the case. If my last name sounds familiar, my second cousin, Wilson Rawls wrote Where the Red Fern Grows.

My story now begins. I was born June 28th 1980, my mom says that I am the best oops baby. I lived life like any kid until 94 when my appendix ruptured. It was three days before I went to the hospital, and when I was in my hospital room, the doctor came in to see how I was. He informed me that I had minutes to live if I waited any longer my life would have ended. That was the first time I almost died. In 2003, I was hit by a girl who was on her cell phone. The third time was the next following year when at 100 miles per hour, a drunk driver hit me.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a great artist, but I could only draw what I saw and not things out of my own mind. After my first near-death experience, it changed into writing what I saw in my mind. By the third time I almost died, I was put in a mental hospital. I cracked. Life threw me some curve balls, and I didn’t know how to handle it any more.

After my stint in the mental hospital, I was never the same. I never finished what I start, and I really don’t like being around a lot of people for a long period of time. I was diagnosed with ADHD, Bi-Polar, and self-diagnosed with a bit of Autism. I went from writing a novel (that I self-published even though it was full of grammar, spelling, and structure issues) to writing scripts. I do have one that I’ve spent six years on, and yet I’ve been told it’s still not ready. The one that was a novel has been 20 years in the making. It’s based on my self-published novel Legacy of the Holy Warrior, which is the 20-year-old script. I guess you can say I did finish it, but with no money for an editor, it’s purely published so that I can say I did it. A comic book was made from the idea with a friend who couldn’t take it further without paying the bills first.

I don’t want to ask for your help, because it might show that I’m needy. I know we all have dreams, and we want our lives to be better. I know for sure I do since I haven’t worked in five years. I’ve been slowly working on my hearts desire, my dream. I’ve gone to college, to use the loans to survive, now I’m sixty thousand dollars in debt and no degree to show for it. I’m still dealing with my mental illness. I did get married in 2007 to an awesome woman who has dealt with me and my issues, and she has her own problems less mental more physical. She has epilepsy. I do rather thank God that I haven’t worked in so long, because of the many doctor appointments, she has seen these last few years.

My mother has been my rock. She has helped with bills even after my stepfather died two years ago, and losing her home, she had for 28 years. She now lives in a townhouse, and after my sister’s second divorce, my mom let her move in with her daughter. My mother loves me, my wife, and I love her. At the end of the show, you say, “Be kind to one another.” My mother is the kindest person in the world and even when she loses, someone or something dear to her; she still will be kind and giving.

I do have dreams for my family and I when I do make it in screenwriting. Paying bills off and then be financial free to pay it forward. I’ve always wanted a comic book company (I kind of have one with what I’ve done with the comic book. It’s White Shadow, LLC and it registered with the government), production, and other movie and cartoon-related companies. Nevertheless, without seeing the light of my own well, I don’t know how I can help someone when I’m in darkness. I want to bring light into the world even if it only for a short time.

I’m 34 years old and really have nothing to show for it, other than the love I have for all and for the life I’ve lived. I even don’t mind the bad because there has been good to great moments. I don’t want to live on government assistance anymore, and I want my family to live life without money worries. I want my mom to have her hearts dream, my sister to have her own place and car, for my niece to have her own room and to live as a teenager without the worries of money. I want to take my wife on a vacation, be more of a man, pay the bills, and work hard for that money that I would make. Even so, I feel that my work won’t matter and the work I do put in isn’t enough. I just want to put a spark back into what I had so long ago, but I just need and want a lot.

I want to further myself in my career as a writer and screenwriter. However, to further my career, I need help with the perfecting of my craft (a mentor or more classes), and to get out of Idaho.

It’s so hard to go anywhere when all you have is a dream and an empty checking account.

I know I’m just dreaming and hoping, but that’s me.

I want to say so much more, but I don’t want to take any more of your time.

Please contact me if you like at:
Forrest L Rawls
907 13th Ave S
Nampa, ID 83651
whiteshadowllc@gmail.com
Twitter: @ACreativeTree or @WhiteShadowLLC
Facebook.com/ForrestLRawls
Website: http://www.whiteshadowllc.com
Blog: http://www.whiteshadowllc.com/wp

Sincerely,

Forrest L. Rawls


Getting Back To Work

This has been a couple of months coming. I’ve well, given up in writing and just felt sorry for myself, but things are changing.

A couple of months ago:

I thought for a month now that I could do a short film about me. It might be viewed more than my blog because I’m not writing so no errors can be pointed out other than how crazy I look on film. I thought about trying to fund my own shorts to be noticed for my writing that way since my scripts aren’t to the level that is what people don’t shoe you away for. I know my writing sucks, and I know people are done with me having a pity party for myself and to move on. People say that would be noticed more if you did more work and showed progression throughout that work. However, it’s hard to get back in the saddle and in the mode of nonstop writing and working. I’m confused on what I should work on should I reedit Ring of Wishes? Should I work on my adaption of The Legacy or should I work on a faith and family hopeful script The Love of One?

I’m trying not to have a negative attitude about life and financial needs. I’ve tried to start a donation on my blog then with a GoFundMe as well as the Facebook plugin app FundRazr, and now a Fundly. No, I’ve raised nothing and the first two I set up for issue 2 of The Legacy comic book, but no takers. Why? Well, it’s not for an illness or my dogs (which I’m maxed out there Care Credit to fix some teeth and old lady issues (Sweetie). I don’t have the family that gives, okay well, that is not the truth it’s certain family members. Moreover, we all have our problems, and we all have our hopes and dreams. However, are they worth dreaming and hoping about anymore? Should, I just give up?

I did decide I needed to bring some money into this house and help out. That was a joke; the jobs I applied for came back with an email saying I’m not what they’re looking for. I answered all their questions. I know I’ve been out of work for a while now. However, they didn’t want me. So who does? I don’t have the greatest writing and motivation, but come on I know I will when I get paid for normal labor, so I’m motivated more. So, come on man?!

We all have dreams of what we would do with lots of money, but why don’t those who have the money want to know how we would use it and end up giving it to us? I don’t know.

Now:

Well, reading this, I still feel the same way. I feel that I don’t contribute enough, and I don’t write enough. I want so many things “If it’s to be it’s up to me” but I don’t seem to be doing anything. I’ve decided to do a podcast, but would people listen and judge me on my verbal English grammar. Will I have anything to contribute to someone’s life or give him or her tips on dreams?

With the recent suicide of Robin Williams, I’ve noticed that my life hasn’t had bad news as in his case. And I’ve never thought of suicide (where I took action) a lot. One’s bad news or life is not bad or worse than the next it’s how you deal with the news that tells if your life is terrible. Such as, I give up on writing because family says to, and no money is being made. Should I write or should I not? Like the quote before “If it’s to be it’s up to me.” I need to put the effort into it. Moreover, with my new mentor he said for no fee he would help me but I’ve done nothing for a month since we last spoke.

COME ON ME! GET TO WORK!


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