Tag Archives: dreams

Scattered Brain

I haven’t written in a while as far as my blog goes. I wanted to let you all know that I’ve been creating and writing screenplays. No I haven’t made it, no, I haven’t won any contests or optioned anything. I’m just focusing on my dreams and career. Now I’m trying to get an actress to commit to a role for a short without money or a crew. All this has taken me into an emotional drive even if down at the moment.

I want my dreams to come true, but I have to keep working on it no matter my mind. If I think about ending it all, I just need to write about it. I know this is not a job for the ones who want to make and think they are a pro. I know I’m not, nor am I going to quit I will get there in time, but if course I wish, it was now. I’m hoping to win some contests or at least get an honorable mention. I hope that I can get an actress to commit, I hope to hope things happen. I want my thoughts no matter how deranged they are seen by others. Not in my action, but by the visions that are placed on the screen. I want for you all to keep rooting me on. I think I will make it. This year is my goal. I have written a few shorts and working on now four features. I know I need to get one done, but my mind is scattered. Either way I’m moving forward.

Check out my shorts Stage32.com

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2014 Bitch Please!


In this post, it will be the last before the New Year. So I’m going to bitch a bit more, also I have a plan for the next year. Yeah if you kept up with me this year with my posts, then you know I’ve done that a lot this year. It’s what I do best, but with my last post about unbroken then you know that things need to change within my mind set.

So begins the bitching! I hate living the way I do, but don’t do much to change it. Nevertheless, I have nothing really yet people want me to give them things, but yet, they have things yet give nothing. Why is that? Is it because we have faith in God more than those that have because we want to make it to tomorrow? I want to help those who have nothing yet I have nothing to give. I want to have my dreams come true, but I’ve been told that’s not realistic so stop dreaming.

When out driving, no one uses their blinker, or they have a missing break light or head light. People run red lights and blow through stop signs. People pull out in front of you and then go slow only for the next person to speed. Has man’s intelligence taken a hit? I know so. We have become dumber, and no one seems to know what to do. Ugh!

We all live our lives the way it falls, or we make it the way we want it. 2015 is my year to change my mindset and to change me. I want to write movies so why not make my own. I can come up with a short to show my writing and directing. I will also show how talented I am with no budget.

We all have a gift from God, and this is mine but not knowing anyone in the industry. It’s hard to become known. In addition, I may have missed opportunities within my email, because I archive them. I don’t want to be disappointed, because I don’t have the resume to support what I say I’m good at.

Another bitch! I have OCD, and I rock in any chair but family used to have rocking chairs until I came along they got rid of them because they didn’t want for me to rock. WTF? I was driving in the snow, and I have a guy/gal tailgating. The weather deems us to slow down and be cautious yet, no.

I know people will say bitch please I’ve got more problems than you. How are you dealing with them? I want to know!
My many goals for the coming year have been shortly told above, but I need to make my dreams my goals, and my goals need me to work harder even while becoming smarter in my craft. I need to be more involved with what I say and do what I say. I will not sell my soul to the devil. I will wake up early-on Sunday and watch church shows since I can’t handle a huge group of people. I try to keep my mind busy, so I won’t freak out, but then I miss out on the message.

I hope to blog more and hope to capture an audience more than me and my mom (yep I do have a handful now). I will take more pictures of OUR dogs. Yes, I’m married if you didn’t know that already. Yes, she deals with my shit.

So Here’s to a new me and new year!


My Letter to Ellen DeGeneres

I didn’t want the world to know my story, but when submitting to Ellen you only have 1500 characters, and well I have a lot of story to tell. Here is my letter to her. And if you’ve read my blog, then you just might know more than you know. Please no judging!

Thank you to those whom read this!

Dear Ellen,

Or whomever reads this.

My name is Forrest L Rawls and I have a story to tell you. I’m an aspiring screenwriter, dreamer, and procrastinator. I want to sound intelligent and a man who could write something that could inspire, but that’s not the case. If my last name sounds familiar, my second cousin, Wilson Rawls wrote Where the Red Fern Grows.

My story now begins. I was born June 28th 1980, my mom says that I am the best oops baby. I lived life like any kid until 94 when my appendix ruptured. It was three days before I went to the hospital, and when I was in my hospital room, the doctor came in to see how I was. He informed me that I had minutes to live if I waited any longer my life would have ended. That was the first time I almost died. In 2003, I was hit by a girl who was on her cell phone. The third time was the next following year when at 100 miles per hour, a drunk driver hit me.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a great artist, but I could only draw what I saw and not things out of my own mind. After my first near-death experience, it changed into writing what I saw in my mind. By the third time I almost died, I was put in a mental hospital. I cracked. Life threw me some curve balls, and I didn’t know how to handle it any more.

After my stint in the mental hospital, I was never the same. I never finished what I start, and I really don’t like being around a lot of people for a long period of time. I was diagnosed with ADHD, Bi-Polar, and self-diagnosed with a bit of Autism. I went from writing a novel (that I self-published even though it was full of grammar, spelling, and structure issues) to writing scripts. I do have one that I’ve spent six years on, and yet I’ve been told it’s still not ready. The one that was a novel has been 20 years in the making. It’s based on my self-published novel Legacy of the Holy Warrior, which is the 20-year-old script. I guess you can say I did finish it, but with no money for an editor, it’s purely published so that I can say I did it. A comic book was made from the idea with a friend who couldn’t take it further without paying the bills first.

I don’t want to ask for your help, because it might show that I’m needy. I know we all have dreams, and we want our lives to be better. I know for sure I do since I haven’t worked in five years. I’ve been slowly working on my hearts desire, my dream. I’ve gone to college, to use the loans to survive, now I’m sixty thousand dollars in debt and no degree to show for it. I’m still dealing with my mental illness. I did get married in 2007 to an awesome woman who has dealt with me and my issues, and she has her own problems less mental more physical. She has epilepsy. I do rather thank God that I haven’t worked in so long, because of the many doctor appointments, she has seen these last few years.

My mother has been my rock. She has helped with bills even after my stepfather died two years ago, and losing her home, she had for 28 years. She now lives in a townhouse, and after my sister’s second divorce, my mom let her move in with her daughter. My mother loves me, my wife, and I love her. At the end of the show, you say, “Be kind to one another.” My mother is the kindest person in the world and even when she loses, someone or something dear to her; she still will be kind and giving.

I do have dreams for my family and I when I do make it in screenwriting. Paying bills off and then be financial free to pay it forward. I’ve always wanted a comic book company (I kind of have one with what I’ve done with the comic book. It’s White Shadow, LLC and it registered with the government), production, and other movie and cartoon-related companies. Nevertheless, without seeing the light of my own well, I don’t know how I can help someone when I’m in darkness. I want to bring light into the world even if it only for a short time.

I’m 34 years old and really have nothing to show for it, other than the love I have for all and for the life I’ve lived. I even don’t mind the bad because there has been good to great moments. I don’t want to live on government assistance anymore, and I want my family to live life without money worries. I want my mom to have her hearts dream, my sister to have her own place and car, for my niece to have her own room and to live as a teenager without the worries of money. I want to take my wife on a vacation, be more of a man, pay the bills, and work hard for that money that I would make. Even so, I feel that my work won’t matter and the work I do put in isn’t enough. I just want to put a spark back into what I had so long ago, but I just need and want a lot.

I want to further myself in my career as a writer and screenwriter. However, to further my career, I need help with the perfecting of my craft (a mentor or more classes), and to get out of Idaho.

It’s so hard to go anywhere when all you have is a dream and an empty checking account.

I know I’m just dreaming and hoping, but that’s me.

I want to say so much more, but I don’t want to take any more of your time.

Please contact me if you like at:
Forrest L Rawls
907 13th Ave S
Nampa, ID 83651
whiteshadowllc@gmail.com
Twitter: @ACreativeTree or @WhiteShadowLLC
Facebook.com/ForrestLRawls
Website: http://www.whiteshadowllc.com
Blog: http://www.whiteshadowllc.com/wp

Sincerely,

Forrest L. Rawls


My Voice

In the day of light and the night of day, I’ve been thinking a lot. I didn’t know what to do to change my website to be able to gain more readers and more fans. I didn’t go ahead and do a podcast because I don’t have any intelligent or engaging information to give. No tips or tricks. Just a bunch of crap from life and well poetry, writing and a lot of dreaming. Therefore, I decided to change the song that I put up on my website for a little intro about me and dreams (this hasn’t been done yet) . I know many don’t want to hear me blah blah blah all over the place, but I still needed my voice to be heard. Something that doesn’t happen a lot in real life.

I wasn’t blessed with a pretty face and good body. I wasn’t blessed with a rich or well-off family. I wasn’t given everything my heart desired. The only think I got, and it was the best was LOVE. I may not have money now, or am I well off. I don’t have all my dreams at my feet, but I do know how to love and be compassionate. However, Love can’t pay the bills.

I don’t know why God gives some people things right out of the gate, and the others have to work so hard to get it and put full faith in Him. I don’t know why, but I’m still dreaming, wishing, and praying that things turn around for me and my family soon because I sure would love to give the abundance that God gives me at that time to others.

It’s been a couple of weeks when I started this entry. I’ve been debating on what I should do with my life. Then I got an email from an old friend, saying he wanted to start doing The Legacy comic book again, but only if he could write too. I took a couple of days to think about it, but I’ve decided that I would give in and let him write with me. He will help make the story better, or I at least hope.

Some of my family wants me to quit my dreaming of a movie deal and get back to the real world, but I put my faith in God. He didn’t save me in 94 for nothing. I have a purpose. I have my dream, which is his dream for me. I only need one person to give me a chance to believe in my talent. I don’t need a lot of money just enough to pay some bills, and the work will get done.

I hope you keep with me on my Journey to Success. I know if I keep at it one-day someone will see what I have to offer.


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